Of Lies and Confessions
by Violet x3
Summary: He always assumed, that love,no matter how much the mere thought of the word frightened him, would be one of those things that simpy could not be explained. Raven? To be updated. Read and Review.
1. Prologue

Hi Im back ! Thanks to those reviewed my story ' Of the Gifted and cursed.

**Loner Of Shadows, Monchhichi , Ravenrogue19, Dragon-Fire-fairy, Mind Shadow ( lightning ) , Charlie ...wow , U dont need to know , and Tecna ! thanks very much for your kind reviews and I will get back to that story as soon as possible ! **

Ok this is something a little different ... I decided to give Raven a little more thought than they actually give her on the show , so if she seems a little OOC than dont be afraid to tell me so... actually . I would greatly appriciate it if you told me so..

Once again forgive my errors. I still havent gotten a new computer and my laptop only had wordpad. moving is rough . what can I say ...

please review and I'll love you forever like those authors and authoress' above !

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Disclaimer : I do not own the teen titans or anything related to them , the plot is mine ... but I dont have that copyrighted.. this laptop is my fiances... youd just be wasting your time, calling your lawyers on me ... ok Im done procrastinating ... heres the prologue.

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Of Lies and Confessions 

Prologue.

Raven fanned herself frantically as she pannicked on the otherside of the steel door. Never had Raven done anything quite as foolish as what she just did. She slid her back down the cool metal door , ignoring the banging on the other side as the sound of her rappidly beating heart trumped all noises in the glass tower. She could not describe this feeling , It was a lump in her throat and a knot in her belly. It turned english into gibberish and the simplest concepts into rediculously complicated equations.and she adored every minute of it . She adorded this feeling while she loathed all at once. It was unlike her to be so completey lost in **feeling **that she would in turn lose all rational thought . But thats what it was .. irrational . The room was spinning and she felt her forhead dampen as the beating of her heat thumped louder and louder. Not altogether embarrased but exposed . yes, exposed. Not only had she destroyed the reserved image she worked so hard to maintain but now she feared she would never be able to look her leader in the eye again .

" Raven , please I just want to talk to you " She blinked a few times as her breathing became erratic . this was becoming the most wonderful most horrible day of her life slowly but surely and she didnt dare think of what could possibly be worse.The very sound of his voice made her lose control . She could picture him now. Both green gloved hands proped up on the door and his peachy smooth forhead leaning hard against the cold door, just beneath the sign that read ' RAVEN ' She could **feel **, never was she **so** sure of her emotions , **rejection** . **fear** . **regret** . **sorrow** . the list went on untill it lead to **love**. She involuntarily shook at the mere thought of the word and only pictured how foolish she might have looked just saying it .

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--- flashback--- 

_" Robin " Raven entered the dark evidence room alread shocked at the weak tone in her shaking vice. She had yet to confess and already her courage was slowly crumbling. She had not the first clue of what she was doing , yet she never was more certain it had to be done. He turned his masked face towards her and she felt herself sink deeper into her plush blue slippers. She mentally scolded herself . 'slippers and Pajamas. How incredibly swanky , Raven ' she kept on fidgiting with her fingers unaware of the shielded pair of her eyes that watched her with an amused expression . Never in all of his life had Robin ever seen her nervous and she was certain thats how she appeared. _

_" Raven ?..." he began only shaking her from her thought and not easing the discomfert she was wracked with . This was the most unusual but not altogether unpleasant feeling she had ever felt. _

_She looked up , her violet eyes boring into his domino mask and quickly turned away in fear her eyes were like scrolls on which her deepest and darkest secrets were writen . " are you alright , you look a little -- " Raven held up a silencing finger and took a deep breath . so It wouldnt be the makings of a romance novel . that wasnt her style anyway . _

_" please just let me do this before I lose my nerve " and as if truley intrigued, his mouth relaxed into a soft encouraging smile although on the inside she was sure he was worried beyond explanation . Raven exhaled and cleared her throat. _

_" Ummm Robin . " She began again , angry with herself , just moments ago she had the seemingly perfect words in her mind on how to describe this inexplicable feeling and yet here where she needed those words the most they betrayed her mind and abandonned her leaving in the state of blank . _

_" Yes... " he nodded his head as if she were a child and he were a school teacher trying deperately to figure out the problem , that troubled the youth . Raven raked a hand through her lavender hair and sighed as she actually heard the strong organ in her chest thumping wildly as if trying to escape the confindes of her petite frame. _

_" I have something I need to tell you . .. " there it was . The spark that was sure to flame the entire barrel of gun powder her feet were now firmly planted in . No turning back now . " after you saved me . things changed. and I -- " she stopped as she let out another breath and brushed a stray tendril from her pale face. _

_" go on . " he coaxed her . _

_" I feel . different . about you ? " she was unsure of how he would take her wording . but for the time being this was the only way she could process the jumbled words inside her tortured mind, into actual sense. Why , she was doing this now never occured to her , but they were the only ones in the tower and at the time it seemed like a good idea .. featured word. **seemed **. _

_" well I have done anything wrong , have I upset you ? " Robin now stood venturing closer to nervous demoness. She held up her hands and backed away slowly. The last thing she needed was him any closer than he already was. _

_" NO , far from it .. youve made me really ... " she paused and searched forthe word " really happy " she got quiet . Raven could just picture his eyes , thier shade still a mystery but the emotion behinde them priceless , The words of Cyborg replayed in her mind. ' I guess I prefer the quick approach , like a band aid ,you know ? quick and easy , yeah it hurt like hell for a moment . but only for a moment then its over. ' _

_" I guess what Im trying to say is .. I like you alot .. " she took a deep breath . " I actually , think I love you alot . " She blinked andtherealisation of what exactly she has just done sunk in as she saw his mouth change from its comferting smile to pure shock as it hung open slightly only for a moment before her opened his mouth to speak but she held up her hand ... **rejection** . **fear **. **regret ..sorrow..love .** and that moment was all she needed assure herself that she had made an enormous mistake . She raced to her room so fast the Kid Flash proud and typed her code in faster than Cyborg himself as she threw herself into the room , The metal door woshing just as Robins fist hit the door... _

_---_ end flashback---

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Now she sat there, still trying her hardest to drown out his pleas as she burried her face onto her bare thighs and bunched her slender fingers into her black t shirt. Surely she would have to explain herself but not just yet. The beating of her heart was just barely above haphazard , of this she was sure.Robin was a smart young man in her opinion and that of the city and he would most likely brush this random outburst aside as a side effect due to her recent emotion commotion. Surely he would understand that she herself did not understand the concept of this ' love ' herself and lable her confused. ofcourse this was wishful thinking on the dark titan's part. 

" Raven , Im not leaving this spot until you atleast speak to me " his voice was stern and steady, the deadly leader combo , Raven was well accostumed with . and she was positive that Robin meant business. Shakily getting upto her knees Raven looked at her door before she hesitantly put a hand to the keypad that would allow him access to her chamber . She knew she didnt want to face him . but she couldnt for the life of her figure why she felt compelled to exlpain this to him . She had told him her feelings . She shared and felt more feelings in the tortorus 14 minutes she spent in the evidence room than she had yet to even experience in her life . why was she doing this to herself ? She shook her head and removed her hand from the keypad. ' pull it together , ' she warned herself and just leaned her head against the door. " im sorry " she whispered. Maybe she needed to meditate,... Maybe it was the heat wave. or maybe she was just losing her mind . But one thing was for sure . If she didnt lie and do serious dammage control she could quite possibly destroy the fabric that held this team together,...

" Raven , please . I wont stay for long . I just want to know . why ? " Raven raised her head.

" what do you mean why ? " she asked outraged. Robin was a human , shouldnt he already know the reasons and motives behind this confusing and life altering emotion . Robin slapped his palm frustratedly against the door and Raven sighed. ' like a band aid ' she told herself as she pressed the small green button , sliding the door open allowing them to see each other. They stood there silently in the doorway as if afraid to move before Raven moves aside silently requesting his entrance. Robin brushed passed her, his yellow cape whipping behinde him , and the electric current that his touch caused left her arm tingling .

" why ? " he repeated as Raven closed the door and slowly turned.

" and I asked . what do you mean . why ? " she asked genuinly confused. She didnt have the scenario completely written out, but she was sure that wasnt the waythis was supposed to go.

" Raven , you know what I mean. why do you love me ? " he asked frustated at her recent case of amnesia

" I-I dont know ." she stammered. "I dont know why I said it . Im sorry, Im just really confused and I would rather discuss it another time .. " she argued hoping some demand returned to her voice , His expression faltered softly ,

" so.. " Robin began . " you dont love me ? " he asked. Raven wanted to smack herself.

" no . I mean. yes. I mean.. " she lost her place. This was harder than the actors made it appear on television. " I mean . i dont know **why **I said it to you .. I just felt it ok . " she got defensive.

Robin sighed and sat down on the couch across from her bed facing the fireplace.

" well then If you dont know why you said it .. then how do you know thats how you feel . " Robin was disapointed she wasnt going through with this and it showed.

" ok,I know why I said it ... why are you doing this ?.. you are acting like no one has ever said this to you before .. when I know for a fact that there atleast ten million girls who write you a day who can explain their feelings in a much more graceful way than I can even dream of aspiring too. " All she wanted was the lump in her throat to disapear and knot in her stomach to straighten and admitting it helped.. but not as much as she intended.

" Raven ,those are all girls who dont even know me . and you know me . probably better than anyone else ever will , so when it came from you it meant someting . unless you didnt really mean it " He looked up at and she knew this was a test. She could say she meant it and he would stand here and tell her how proud he was of her emotion expression.But regretfully was courting another, well she would not fall into to this trap, although she would be lying to herself and to him , she had to bring this too an end. She knew how it felt , the ache to tell him , to race into his arms and say ... ' I love you ...I love you .. I love you ' and she was sure that the ache to stand here and tell him would hurt a thousand times worse. But she feared she would not be able to live with the pain of rejectionif he didnt return those feelings. She could just feel the tears coming from behinde her eyes as she envisioned his glove clad hand clawing at her heart as she screamed in agony.

" Robin " she took a deep breath and prepared herself , she still had one more chance to do the right ,...

The only question now was ...The right thing for her , the right thing for Robin , or the right thing forthe team?

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**Its never perfect when your near me **

**you have no idea whats deep inside**

**but the way you live each moment **

**makes me feel alive**.

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pretty short I know ... forgive me but this is just a prologue and I know this is incredibly shallow of me but I dont really find inspiration to continue writing stories if I dont get atleast 10 reviews .. so If you liked it . let me know ..I review every single story i read and If you review ... I can read yours too ! 

-- Violet . but I prefer Vi ..


	2. Heartfelt rejections

OK heres Chapter 2. I dont have alot of time to ramble and talk and stuff so very quickly my declarations of Love !

Violet loves. ...

Charlie - thanks for review ! ..sorry I dont have time to get personal .. haha jk thanks your sweet . and I dont think your THAT stupid .

Spunksterdawg- Im so Glad. update soon with yours Im still waiting ..thanks for the review.keep reading

Dragon-Fire-fairy- Thanks for the review ! I'll get to your stories !

The writer you fools- you're one of my favoritewriters here thanks so much for reviewing

Ravenrogue19- Thanks for the review!. you have so many stories going on I can barely keep up with you ..

Teen Titans Terminator - Thanks very much for review and I read some of your stories and I liked them ..and I WILL get around to reviewing

lolopixie- Thanks very much for the review and Im glad you think so ..because thats what I was going for . and It will get a little confusing . but please keep reading

Tecna- I'll take the hug please ! thanks for the compliments and heres the next chapter .. though Im not sure its brilliant : blushes :

Lonerofshadows- I love your reviews !but that link thingy didnt work ! i got all excited ! well thanks for reviewing I hope you continue !

luhism- Thanks for the review and heres the next chapter !

Yeah thats it ! 10 like i wanted ..: checks her math : yeah 10 please excuse this chapter because I can almost promise you that its not greatly edited.. but If I didnt post it tonight. I'd have to do it like next week .

Ok please tell me what you think !

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Disclaimer - I still dont own the teen titans or anything related to them . **still **

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Of Lies and Confession -

Chapter 1 : Heartfelt Rejection

Raven sat on the end of her desk , glaring at the nearly empty bottle of alcohol that stood only a few feet away on the dark cherry wood table. Her mind was a little fuzzy and her vision was blurred around the edges , but she was **well** aware of she had just done. _Why_ ? she had done that , was a complete mystery. proping both elbows on the desk ,Raven burried her pale, tear stained face into her hands and asked herself when had it come to this. When exactly had she resorted to this. **Raven ? **, drunk ? .. no way . _Raven_ was far too sensible to become an alchol dependant while being a savior of thier beloved city .' Drunk ' sounded far to primitive. She liked to refer to the drink, that had almost completely exited her system, as a ' point of view changer ' for example. One minute she was sitting .. and the next she was on the floor.

Sighing into the dark onyx carpet , Raven realised why exactly they called it **rock **bottom. She didnt physically injure herself, those never hurt her quite as much as the maladies of the heart. Oh yes , now she remembered. The _' Why? ' _, was solved and played in her mind clearly as high defenition televsion. She closed her eyes as her body shook. Raven never understood why something purely emotional was causing her chest to heave in pain . Pain so bad she felt her composure completely leave her again.She knew the earthly expression. ' love hurts ' but never was that statement more true than at this very moment. Sure, the alcohol did help with _some _of the pain , but contrary to the popular beliefe spread by films and the media. Vodka was _not_ an advil for the heart and mind.

How incredibly **foolish** of her. Raven knew she should have paid careful attention to Wisdom as she and Love went about their battle in nevermore. Although she had not been paying her any attention the emotion with an owl engraved broach , her words were fresh in Raven's mind.

_' Just because you can express your emotions now ... It doesnt mean you should .. nor does it mean that you -- ' her words were ceased by the soft magenta cloaked emotion , as she pinned the other , giving Raven a toothy grin. _

**Absurd **, she was as silly as the pink emotion that lingered in her mirror. She scolded her self incessantly. She always listened to common sense of the mind. Why ? .. why on earth had she changed her mind and ignored the words of her most trusted emotion and favored the one who had only recently stuck her flag in land that was Raven's mind. Just thinking about Love made her immediately think of _him . _Although the vodka was doing a good job at drowning out the picture of his face. His words ,... his words however , were as clear as crystal .

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-- Flashback --

_Raven took a deep breath.. maybe , just maybe ,he would feel the same . She raked a hand through her hair and exhaled. _

_" yeah , I meant every word. " She blurtted out , willing the blood not fill her pale cheeks. Raven wanted him to know just how serious she was.She opened her mouth to continue and she saw **that face **. She could not even see his eyes , but she could see his face change from Jovial . to confused. to worried . in approximately 2 seconds flat. _

_' Im Glad you told me Rav-- " His words became slow and unintelligible as time around her had come to a slow pace. She could still see his mouth moving but the sounds were drowned by the **painfully **familiar sound of her blood pumping vessel trying once again to escape her chest. featured word. **painfully .**Her violet eyes that were once fixiated on the boy wonder's mouth were now dazed , the room seemed to fade around her as the image was swirled and the only colors that she could identify were the , red , green, and yellow. that of Robin's costume . _

_It all had gone as she predicted. nearly verbatim the version she imagined. The **heartfelt rejection **she expected on recieving. she cursed herself for being so fatuous . so silly ._

_Unable to take anymore of his ' wholesome appolgy , she calmly. or a calmly as possible , turned on her heel and ventured towards the door. Not before hearing . _

_**' I dont think I can give you what you deserve ' **_

-- end Flashback--

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It was nearly three weeks since then and she still had not discovered what exactly he meant by that . Raven staggered into shower stall and scrambled for the water dials as she yearned for the refreshment the warm water provided. It was then and only then she allowed the tears to squeez from her tightly clenched eyes.She leaned her head on the porcelin tiles of the shower and sighed. It was all she wanted. Something warm to cling to .**

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ROBINS . P.O.V.**

The Boy wonder sat alone in the kitchen , reading the newspaper at the breakfast bar ,well , **trying** to read the newspaper. This is how things usually went nowadays. He would read books. read the newspaper . watch television , anything to drown out the sound of his battling concious' . One side scolding him for being so completely** preposterous **. and the otherside stubbornly reassuring him that he had done the right thing.

He was going to get up and go to the evidence room and do something productive with his restlessness..until she walked in. He could tell just by looking at her , Raven was not feeling like herself today , although he would be the last person she would ever admitt it to . He watched as she hugged her black sweatshirt around her body as she stood waiting for her kettle to boil. He observed her posture. He often sketched her when she wasnt aware and her pressence till this very day , baffeled him . It was nearly 5 in the morning , on a saturday no less, and she stood just _there _, her back straight and her legs locked stiff beneath the shield of her long black, night stretch pants.

Her face seemed calm and serene as she poured her chamomile tea into her cup. Raven looked up at him for the first time since she had entered the room and he felt his body immediately tense. She was about to speak and quite a few scenarios raced into his head of what exactly she would say . She had probably come to tell him that this was her last day as a titan or something completely life altering. However to his complete suprise she simply gestured towards her cup. " would you like some ? " He sighed and mentally smacked himself for overeacting and nodded.

" Yeah thanks " he smiled but she only nodded before filling another cup. She was distant again . only this time he could not point fingers at her father. or the curse. or her power. _This time _, the boy wonder had only himself to blame. They sat silently , some what awkward , but it was nothing he could cease nor change. He looked over to the window and wondered if she wanted him dead just as much as he himself did. In his line of work . keeping things to oneself was sometimes a vital tool . In this case , he wondered if concealing his true feelings from Raven was ' vital ' , part of him screamed that it was important for the sake of the team that he kept the relationship between him and Raven , purely platonic. While another part screamed that none of this fears were worth the pain he was causing himself and Raven by hiding his feelings.

His _feelings _? what percisely were his feelings for his shy commerade. He knew whenever they were in the same room he felt his mind spin . Talking to her when she wasnt upset with him was one the things he looked foward to the most.Her laugh , rarely heard but when it was. it was his favorite sound. She made him feel different. a very **good **different. He Knew all the titans had their suspiscions about him , because they were right. somethings didnt really add up about it him. Not once did she ever push him . With the others , he always had to be the concerned , and friendly leader , but with Raven , he could let out his anger. He could vent about things. He could express his darker nature and it was ok .

" Robin , " He snapped out of trance realising he had been staring at her cup the entire time. "- is there something you want to tell me ? " She asked almost hesitantly , her eyes were hopeful and he could tell she was testing him . He could answer yes and confess what he wanted to nearly a month ago and risk endangering the teams strong connection. He could answer No and probably live the rest of his life wondering what wouldve happened had he said yes. But the world would be safe. It would eat him inside out . but the world be safe, and Raven would be safe. Yes, Raven . The only down side of his dark side , was the fact that love wasnt something he was accostumed to. This was his last chance to follow his heart . or his mind . and for someone who was always in control . He didnt have the first idea of how to handle this.

" No , Raven " He felt his chest tremble. " Im fine , but Ive been meaning to ask you the same . " smooth topic change. He could see as her hopeful expression changed to that of a disapointment. A disapointment she was trying hard to hide. He understood. He was doing the right thing for everyone. Raven would move on and be happy and he would keep on protecting those who needed it .

" umm No Im great. thanks for asking though " She answered in an obviously fake tone . He didnt know whether to be worried or insulted , but he couldnt help but feel a little bit of both . He watched as she stood from her stool , picking up her cup before draining it into the sink. She wiped the mess around it while he found the courage to speak.

" No your not . and as your friend I want to help you because I care. " He finally managed , she didnt turn to face him . She just threw out her paper an put the cup away.

" you didnt before . " she answered. Robin hung his head unable to find an answer. She was right . Friends who care . tell the truth , and he betrayed her twice in a single month . He could hear footsteps leaving and before she completely disapeared into the hallway he heard her mumble.

**" besides, Im beyond repair.."**

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I think I updated that pretty quickly ...well as quick as you can while your me .. if that made any sense.. Ok done rambling PLEASE REVIEW ! 


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